Delusion & Hope

by Ben Hoganson

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1.
The Road 03:55
Angelique taking another order from a man who's flirting with her with his friends and her eyes vacantly cringe as she fakes a smile wondering if she'll ever leave this town Do you hear it calling? Do you hear it calling? Do you hear it calling you away? Cameron the New York public accountant punches keys and working long into the night and he thinks when April is over he'll head down south thinking a trip to Raleigh will clear his head Do you hear it calling? Do you hear it calling? Do you hear it calling you away? There's a man sitting inside his apartment and a baseball game on a taped-up radio and he smiles shaking his head as he plays the cards so much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same Do you hear it calling? Do you hear it calling? Do you hear it calling you away? Do you hear it calling you away? Do you hear it calling you away?
2.
Never One To 04:24
Never one to ask for help a life of fending for himself Never one to ask for food but a man must do what he must do How the days go flying by another number in a line Swallow coffee, swallow pride there's nowhere left for me to hide How could I feel proud if my dad could see me now? Count the blessings on one hand and try to feel like a man Kick a bottle in the sand but I'll never bend to what's at hand A couple hours I did write in seven seconds they decided Always taught to earn my keep now I lay me crying down to sleep How could I feel proud if my dad could see me now? How could I feel pride if dear old mom were by my side? Preacher, Preacher, I still thirst and truth be told, I feel worse Can you help me lift this curse? Can you help me with the second verse? How could I feel proud if my dad could see me now? How could I feel pride if dear old mom were still alive?
3.
The sun sets like a kitten laying down upon my lap The wind's the whisper of a dying man He thought he'd have another twenty years to say goodbye but cancer caught him and he kicked the can Words of love you're spooning sweet as honey in my ears Buzzing like a current in my chest The murmur of the town testifies to what I lack and though it's true, I'll give you all my best Songs of sorrow, songs of joy sometimes sound the same Poetry and logic interweave The reason of the heart, the longing of the mind in bittersweet harmony When I was a kid I thought for certain I'd be fine That's not to say I thought I'd always win But I believed and trusted all the words my father said Let me hear the words again The rhythm of the rain and the ticking of the clock The shadow of my soul against the wall Soothing me again just like aloe on a burn Wake me when the winds have calmed Songs of sorrow, songs of joy sometimes sound the same Poetry and logic interweave The reason of the heart, the longing of the mind in bittersweet harmony I don't want to be like the people on t.v. or make another wish upon a star Too many years go by before you realize you're fine just the way you are Prairie grasses drunk in dew, clinging to my shoes earthen leaves are wafting through the trees A bubbling brook, a cup of joe, and sunlight on my back are reasons why I still believe Songs of sorrow, songs of joy sometimes sound the same Poetry and logic interweave The reason of the heart, the longing of the mind in bittersweet, bittersweet, bittersweet harmony
4.
Cool light rain numbing the withering leaves Seasons change and do whatever they please Tawny twigs lie on the hood of my car I hit the road, but I didn't get very far 'Cuz a thought dawned There's not enough reason to go None that I know None that I know Trying hard to stay away from the phone Yeah, I see you've got a life of your own Things we made, I guess I can just let them be if you'd call even occasionally Homesickness, coffee and 40-watt bulbs Summer to fall Summer to fall Bills paid with just enough money to move and nothing to lose nothing to lose Winter comes and with it the holiday cheer I've come so far, I really have nothing to fear Shopping malls, couples with bags in their hands It warms my heart how much I envy the man Because he found something that money can't buy A beautiful wife A beautiful wife See, I'm haunted by these things that may never be mine I'll give it more time All in good time All in good time All in good time
5.
Sunsets 02:07
Think of sunsets we have seen on the hill together Think of your most peaceful dreams and float there like a feather Sensing an extraordinary light as I walk beside you in the night I testify to what I know I've never seen a phoenix fly But feeling free when I let go I knew I'd always be alright Sensing an extraordinary light as I walk beside you in the night
6.
A silent walk 'neathe the harvest moon The sweater's warm and my heart pounds From time to time I have to fight a shatter in my autumn eyes And I follow in your footsteps leading to the lake The lake reflects a lunar path we cannot take I don't know what I can do Darlin' to get through to you There's shattered vows and vases on the floor And back at home not a word You draw a bath and slip inside Relax your thoughts The tension and the pain I didn't mean to cause And I listen at the door too afraid to knock I know that you're not ready, yet, but can we talk? I don't know what I can do Darlin' to get through to you There's shattered vows and vases on the floor I don't know what I can say I don't want to feel this way and silence cannot tell me what you're thinking No I don't know what I can do Darlin' to get through to you There's shattered vows and vases on the floor I don't know what I can say I don't want you to feel this way and silence can't convey that I'm sorry Sorry
7.
A Fire 03:48
I lit a fire to keep me warm I burned my photograph The flames reflected on the snow to light my epitaph, to light my epitaph The smoke was rising through the night into the starry sky The angels caught me as they sang their holy lullaby, their holy lullaby As I exhaled into the night I saw my shadowed breath It danced and spun away from me waving before it left, waving before it left The chill ran through my flesh and bone and paralyzed my very soul the fears and darkness closing in I pray you'll never know, I pray you'll never know Tend to me, sweet memory One lovely Christmas night Snowflakes falling steadily as I held my baby tight, as I held my baby tight
8.
Trojan Horse 06:28
Trojan horse, what do you hide within? Men of war, armed to the teeth I welcomed you, raising my open arms You gutted me, slashing my soul Collapsing now I thought I was smarter, the city was safe and secure but that's when you're tested, to find out what you can endure Wailing, ooh Credit cards won't lay a hand on me A pauper's faith over your gold and usury, why do you hold me down? My hopes and dreams lie in the dirt but I will rise And take back the things that you stole from me so long ago And though it may take twenty years, I will take back control Wailing, ooh Pushing Him as He walked toward the tree Mocked and scorned, falsely accused But you got yours in the form of a curse and now you must wander the earth Cartaphilus The King is returning, He's gonna make everything right and maybe He'll kill you so you can sleep soundly tonight Wailing, ooh
9.
Why you telling me that I'm beautiful? I'm at a loss for words and my face turns red Though loneliness can make one long for death You will never be alone, my love You will never be alone On the nape of your neck is an idiogram Leading to your heart is a vein of doubt Though I'm not the one who will figure it out You will never be alone, my love You will never be alone They brought you to the church with a pack of gum Told you to behave and they left you there Though you couldn't find an angel anywhere You will never be alone, my love You will never be alone There will come a day when this life will end but we are here today and we don't know why A rainbow in the sky will remind you anywhere that you will never be alone, my love You will never be alone You will never be alone You will never be alone
10.
We laugh about our drunken stupor About waking up in unknown places About throwing up and bad hangovers About waking up to unknown faces Comparing our sickness Mind your own business It's just the way I choose to live my life Why are you crying as if I were dying? You're pointing fingers like a nagging wife We all have to fly impossible missions No matter what we lose ourselves Letting go of inhibitions as we hand the controls to someone else You've got good intention with your intervention but you're so naive my Bible-beating friend I can control it You'll see that I own it You'll see that I will conquer in the end You've got good intention with your intervention but you're so naive my Bible-beating friend I can control it You'll see that I own it You'll see that I will conquer in the end Comparing our sickness Mind your own business It's just the way I choose to live my life Why are you crying as if I were dying? It's just the way I choose to live my life It's just the way I choose to live my life It's just the way I choose to live
11.
If you stray from the path trace it back from where you left You may find peace of mind Signposts put the heart at rest As you age, things will change Hold to those that stay the same Family ties, lullabies Lay your mind at ease If you miss black and white Few things certain in this life Do your best, let them go We shall know in time As you age, things will change Hold to those that stay the same Family ties, lullabies Lay your mind at ease Lay your mind at ease Lay your mind at ease

credits

released October 10, 2010

All songs written by Ben Hoganson.
All instruments and vocals by Ben Hoganson.
Recorded and mixed by Ben Hoganson at home.
Produced by Ben Hoganson.
Mastered by Gus Elg at Sky Onion, Portland, OR.
Design by Erin Kirt, Bozeman, MT.
Cover photograph by Eugene Debs Becker,
courtesy of Minnesota Historical Society,
[HD3.15 r31, Negative No. 5812]
The Edna G. Tugboat can be found in Two Harbors, MN.

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Ben Hoganson Saint Paul, Minnesota

Singer-songwriter based in Saint Paul, Minnesota.

Side acts: Scattered to Broken

Past acts: Duplomacy

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